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Dowdeswell’s FPL On Draught | Pre-season

After an exciting Euros, we all got down to the serious FPL business of choosing a team name. A few seasons ago our names sounded like personalised pub teams with names like Dave’s Donuts. But now it’s all about the pun. The punnier the better. One of my mini leagues has teams called “Wins Beneath My Ings” and “Keitas’s Gonna Keit.” Another has “Mings The Merciless” and “Are You ‘Avin’ A Draft.” The latter inspired my blog name.

While I was delving into The Sorting Hat of team names, I was consumed by Jack Grealish fever. I stopped short of the headband, but worked my calves in his honour. Like most Villa fans, I feared the worst, but secretly hoped he’d stay. My team name as a result is “Grrr-realish” - which is what our dog growled at the TV during England matches.

My original plan was to keep him as an ever present, along with Martinez, but his transfer has ruined both my Villa ideal and my FPL plans. Grrr-indeed.

Three days after his transfer, I received a present from my girlfriend. It was a claret and blue notebook with the cover slogan - “If In Doubt, Pass To Jack Grealish!” Still, better to have a notebook than a Jack tattoo. His calves tattooed on my calves would’ve been wrong in so many ways.

Like many of us, I drafted a team early, but in the last few days tinkered incessantly.

If FPL players were drinks, here’s my top 3 pre season picks:

Tsimikis Aldi Own Brand Beer 4.0 (Liverpool) - absolute bargain, like a cut price supermarket’s own brand beer. This Grecian number “ouzos” class, does the job early doors, with Liverpool’s good early fixture run, and leaves you with plenty of change jangling in your pocket.

The only problem with Tsimikis is pronouncing it. The T is silent, unless you’re from Yorkshire.

His first name is Kostas. So expect him to be very alert.

This is a limited offer, as he might only be available for a few game weeks. So fill your boots.

Benrahma Shots 6.0 (West Ham). Tis Saïd this Algerian spirit is on pre-season form, and pairs well with Antonio. Expect a few shots and plenty of cheeky assists. First came across it in Brentford, where it gave me a buzz, before later getting hammered in the East End.

Havertz Traminer 8.5 (Chelsea) Tuchel is bound to get the best from this cup winning vintage. Like a fine German sweet wine, Havertz’s sweetness of touch, offsets the spice of Lukaku, Pulisic and Ziyech.

Good luck for the start of the season. We all have the same starting point and the same chance of winning.


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